Saturday, August 29, 2009

Post-Mortem Lesson 6: Recluse

It is certainly true that we who have lost our loved ones strive to make our lives as near normal (as we knew it) as possible even though we know at the bottom of our hearts that it will never ever be the same again. It is even harder to establish some sense of normalcy in our daily routine when the person who died has lived with us, or spent time with us under a single roof.

I do not mean to underestimate the sense of loss of friends but it cannot be denied that the impact of loss on the person who has lived with the departed, as far as re-establishing the daily routine is concerned (and I am very careful that I make this disclaimer), is more pronounced and more profound.

Various coping mechanisms are adopted by this particular subset of the bereaved. Some resort to shoving bitter memories at the deepest recesses of their brains by drowning themselves in work. Others, like a friend of mine who was coping with the death of his mother, stayed in bed for many days half-hoping they die in their sleep and join their beloved in the other world. A few sell their homes or leave them to either start anew or avoid being reminded by memories of the deceased and hurt themselves in the process.

None of these are options for me, though I do admit to pushing myself to work many times. However, probably the most pronounced change on me of late, aside from rapid weight loss (30lbs in 4 months!) is my preference to stay home.

I was never a homebody. I would rather stay out of the house and roam around the bars or go for an out-of-towner. It is a different story now. Unless it is absolutely necessary for me to go out, I would rather be at home. Lounging around within the corners of my abode. Nestled among my litter comprised of books, records, CDs. Surfing the net or communicating with friends online. Watching travel shows. Attempting to cook....

A friend wondered if I am trying to draw some sense of comfort from my home, which I shared with Je for 6 years. I never really thought of it that way, but since she pointed it out, then maybe I am actually doing so. It is my way of keeping myself safe, perhaps; only I can protect myself from life's further insult, and I could use a lot of help from places where I can have a sense of security and normalcy.

If this makes me a recluse then yes I think I am for now. And the from the looks of it, most of my friends understand, and they let me be, but at the same time, they check on me. (Thank you God for giving me some really understanding, not so insensitive friends....)

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Ang Naaalala Ko Tuwing Buwan Ng Wika

Ang buwan ng Agosto ang siyang itinalagang Buwan Ng Wika. Alam nating lahat ito, at malamang ay may kanya-kanya tayong mga alaala kung paano natin ipinagdiriwang ito noong tayo ay pumapasok pa sa elementarya at mataas na paaralan.

Malamang ay minsan na kayong sumayaw ng Itik-Itik (katulad ko, hahaha!), o ng Tinikling, o gumanap bilang isang marangal na binata o mayuming binibini sa isa sa mga dulang Pilipino sa inyong paaralan. Huwag na rin kayong mahiyang aminin na minsan sa buhay niyo ay humarap kayo sa maraming tao upang tumula, katulad ng mga kaklase ko noon na nakasuot ng camisa de chino at baro't saya habang tumutula ng "Ang Gabi Ni Armando Castro". (Tagapangasiwa ako noon kaya ligtas ako sa pagtula).

Subalit hindi ako nakaligtas sa mga kantahan. Taun-taon na lang ay kinakanta ng bawat antas ng aming paaralan ang awit na "Kay Ganda Ng Ating Musika". Minsan, nilalapatan siya ng mga titik na likha ng mga kaklase kong marunong magsulat ng Tagalog, pero pareho pa rin ang himig. At aaminin ko, minsan na rin akong nagsawa.

Pero ngayong nagbabaliktanaw ako, natatawa na lang ako. Kasi naman, tuwang buwan ng Agosto, ang mga sumasagi sa isipan ko ay sina Manuel L. Quezon, Jose P. Rizal, mga manunula katulad ni Huseng Batute, Francisco Balagtas at Manuel Principe Bautista, mga manunulat katulad nina Liwayway Arceo, Rogelio Sikat, at Lope K. Santos...at si HAJJI ALEJANDRO! Para sa di nakakikilala sa kanya, siya ang umawit ng "Kay Ganda Ng Ating Musika".

Sa kasawiang-palad ay wala akong mahanap na kuha ni Hajji Alejandro habang inaawit ang "Kay Ganda Ng Ating Musika" sa Folk Arts Theatre o kung saan pa man. Eto na lamang ang video/minus one. Salamat kay Delfindakila.)



Lulubusin ko na rin ang pagpapakilala sa awit na ito. Ang lumikha ng awit ay si Ryan Cayabyab. Inawit ito ni Hajji sa Metro Manila Popular Music Festival noong 1978 at ang awit na ito, sa aking pagkakatanda, ang nagkamit ng Unang Gantimpala. Hindi ako magugulat kung hanggang ngayon ay inaawit pa rin ito sa mga paaralan.

Kayo? Ano ang naaalala niyo tuwing buwan ng Agosto?