Today Is A Special Day

Actually, for the most part of my life, the first 15 days of April are some of the most special days of the year and are the days that I look forward to spending. If you have been reading this blog for quite sometime, you will know my recurrent references to summer, the sun, and the memories that I attach to them, whether joyful or the reverse.

Today is no exception. You see, a few weeks ago, I made a crucial decision to try an opportunity in a place that I have only been once. I know of no one in this place, nor do I have a fair idea of its ins and outs. All I know is that this place is bisected by a highway that is hardly lit at night. This place is so different from my home in Makati where I could just go out of the house at whim and feel safe even in the middle of the city.

Where I am

Not in here. Step gingerly out of this establishment at night and a provincial bus will likely crush my physical being into a horrendous mush. There are hardly any bars that play the music that I want. The nearest decent pizza place is, like, 30 minutes away. And since I do not have my own PC yet, I only get to go online at night, when no one is around, on a borrowed computer and borrowed connection. Ad infinitum. Alas. So different in here.

And yet, I am doing fine. For one, the food is fresh, the vegetables taste so good. The air is definitely cleaner. The people whom I am with are mostly nice, and I am still accorded my precious privacy, somehow. I get to eat more broccoli and cauliflower now more than ever. :)

It was, in so far as I regard it, a well-made decision. This is the change that I direly need.

Today, I had a good meal as usual. I had loads of mangoes and papaya that I eat with boiled purple yam (great combination!). I got to take a 20-minute joyride to the main city, my ride blazing the road that is flanked by green rice fields as far as my eyes can see. I gave the staff and my host some pizza. A little later on, we went to hear Sunday mass in a beautiful church that is more than a century old.

It has been a tradition among people here to make a wish when entering a church for the first time. In the church, the crowd was singing to a familiar religious tune, while birds kept on flying to and fro, darting through open doors and flying all around the place.

I made my wish...

Stepping out of the church, my mind was filled with earthly concerns, but was being consoled by a constant thought.

Today is a special day, as will be the rest of the days. I may not be immensely happy yet, but I am comforted, and that will be good enough for now.

Bubble

I once called you a bubble. You still are. I will not write your name, but I pretty much doubt if you go over my profile, or my blog (you only do so to look at the photos) or even if you do, I seriously doubt if you understood what I say. But let me tell you a story I never told you before.

There is a friend of mine, a son of a poetess, who writes stories and songs. One day, he asked for a message from God. The message went:

"God wants you to know that happiness has nothing to do with pleasure."

I learned about this soon enough and asked my friend, my heart brimming with care, and doubt, and joy, and sadness.

"If wanting to share your life with one you really care for is happiness, is it really worth the wait and the tears to share it with someone who is not sure of himself?"

And he said, with the wisdom of a man who spent a lot more years on earth than I did.

"Sometimes it is worth the wait, sometimes it is worth the tears. Although we can never really be sure until the waiting is over and the tears are shed."

Then I walked away with resolve in my being: I will break the bubble of doubt and challenge fate to a duel.

[Yes. A duel. Because whether you take this or not, I believe in my heart that you are worth the fight, waiting and tears and scars healed and unhealed be damned.]

Don't stray too far, Bubble. Don't ever burst on me.